Her confession rather surprised me.
She was a bit discouraged about this whole marriage thing. Coming from a daughter of mine, this was rather disconcerting. I mean, we're certainly big fans of marriage around here, so it caught me off-guard.
She said it's because she keeps hearing about how marriage is all about hard work. How it's not about your "happiness". How you have to give up so much.
And hearing it put this way? It did sound rather bleak, I'll admit.
She's got the right idea though. Marriage does take work. It's not about being happy and you do give of yourself.
But marriage can be rich and beautiful and satisfying too. In fact, I can think of all kinds of reasons to love being married - maybe a thousand or so - but beginning with these 10.
I LOVE....
1. Finding a friend. Who would have guessed I'd find someone to share my heart and soul with? To find someone who would know me better than anyone else? I'm so grateful to have a live-in best friend.
2. Spending the rest of our days together. There's something exciting - and reassuring - about the thought that the two of us will be together for the rest of our lives. We're committed to this relationship for the long haul.
3. Sharing our nights. How can I tell her how wonderful it is to reach over and snuggle into his strong body in the middle of the night? To have him hold me tight when I'm anxious or sleepless. To enjoy the pleasures of married life.
4. Growing as a person. It's true. I'm a better woman because of him. I can get away with more than I should because I'll put my "best face" on for you. And, besides, you'll probably graciously overlook my snarky remark, my grumpy response, and my inconsiderate late arrival (thank you for that, by the way!). But my husband will gently hold me accountable. I'm thankful for that kind of love too.
5. Walking by his side. Yes, it's true. I enjoy being the woman at his side. Maybe it sounds funny, but I still get a thrill when he walks in the room. I'm his chosen lady and I love that honor.
6. Parenting our children together. Our kids are very blessed to have him as their father. I'm glad we get to do this parenting thing together because I rely heavily on his wisdom and direction. I also appreciate his encouragement when I'm feeling down as a mother.
7. Laughing and loving fun. So yeah, we have to work on our relationship. But it's so much more than hard work. We have a great time together! He can get me laughing until I can hardly breathe. And we still enjoy pillow fights, private jokes, and plenty of wonderful adventures. Kissing is also lots of fun.
8. Bringing in the balance. Because he is strong in areas that I am not - in medical emergencies, for instance. He's a real champion in a crisis. He also tends to keep clear-headed in emotional turmoil. Me? Less so (enough said). As you see, balance is good.
9. Enjoying the romance. While marriage is more than romance, it doesn't have to be less than that either. We enjoy going for walks, sitting on the front porch swing, watching an old movie, and heading out for a hot date at Diego's.
10. Being a light to the world. When out and about, we'll often get stopped by someone who'll make a comment about us. Not sure why, since all we're doing is holding hands, laughing, and talking together? But people are drawn to a loving relationship. So we'll enjoy the conversation, and from there it's easy and natural to turn to Christ and the Gospel - the foundation of our love for one another.
So, for that dear daughter of mine, don't go thinking marriage is only about a bunch of hard work. That it means throwing happiness out the window and giving up your romantic hopes and dreams. There are all kinds of reasons - a thousand or more - to look forward to marriage and a lifetime of loving each other.
So what are some of your reasons for loving marriage? What would you add to this list?
In His grace,
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.
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I second all of your reasons! Marriage does take work, but in our world today we need to champion it and talk about the positives for sure!
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this so beautifully!
I love this! Thank you for writing these very true words. I have only been married for just short of 3 years and are expecting our first baby. I can remember feeling the same way as your daughter and being so discouraged by the negativity towards marriage or just the "realists" out there that told me all the hard stuff...but rarely the great stuff. While it has been more work merging two lives than I could have understood it has also been more wonderful than I could have imagined! ALL of your ten reasons are 100% true and those are important to let young ladies know too. So thank you, and to your daughter...be excited and look forward to that season!
ReplyDeleteLove this list!
ReplyDeleteThe timing for this post could not have been better! As I am in a very serious relationship and looking at the prospect of engagement and marriage to a particular man, I have also felt temptation to fear that it will not be worth it in the end—to look at the marriages around me and know that I never want a life like that—and what a reassurance here, to know that it does not have to be a lifetime of loneliness and pain without reward! I am so encouraged right now and feel even freer to be in love with this wonderful man and open my heart to spending my life with him as I know he wants to do with me. Thank you!!!
ReplyDelete~Sara Jane
Hard work and giving of oneself are not unique to marriage. They are part of any relationship, be it family, friend, or acquaintance. Your daughter does not balk at being selfless in her friendships, does she? She would not consider the people in her life as having been brought there for the sole purpose of her happiness, would she? And yet, she derives a great deal of happiness from the relationships, does she not? Marriage is the same, and yet so much more. It will be hard work, it will require selflessness, and no, it will not exist primarily to make her happy. But if the rewards of a mere friendship bring such blessing, how much more wonderful will marriage be?
ReplyDeleteIf taking one’s spouse by the hand and struggling side by side to walk closer to God doesn’t make you happy, then regardless of the trials you face, it’s a problem with you, not a problem with marriage. God doesn’t ask us to follow an easy road, but he does ask us to follow the road with joy.
God bless you, and thank you for the wonderful words of encouragement in this post.
Even if I’m not part of the target demographic.
Wonderful reminders of the joy of marriage. Thank you, Lisa! There is little more beautiful then two people walking hand in hand through life, delighting in each other and in the Lord. It truly does shine through their whole presence. Yes, it will take work; such a relationship will not just happen. But I would add that the amount of preparation you put in during your single years will effect the amount of "work" your marriage takes; (at least the perceived amount?!) So, to your daughter, be encouraged! You are preparing your heart now, and you will reap the benefits of that preparation when you marry.
ReplyDeleteEXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT!! 100% agree with you, Lisa!! Thank you for your love for God and your husband! I read this while my husband is away in Paraguay for 3 weeks, and now I miss him more than before! Oh, the one to snuggle with at night, to hug our kids (my youngest said on the first night after hugs and kisses before bed, "Mom, it is sad, I usually have 4 to hug, but tonight only 3, since dad is gone." - yes, mama's heart broke for him!), to pray as a family, to laugh, and KISS. :)
ReplyDeleteI am a single lady, never been married and courting at the moment. I am looking forward that one special moment and time I will get married and all that you have shared is so true and helpful. I see that it can be fearful but when I look at Christ as my rock and shield then look at my boyfriend....God will iron those wrinkled areas if we are always willing and have an open communication. Always enjoy your website and constantly sharing it with others. Blessings keep looking up!
ReplyDeleteI have to say that for several years in my marriage I felt the same way as your daughter. I was absolutely miserable and just didn't see the point. In fact, my husband and I separated for 4 years and I was planning to file for a divorce about 2 weeks ago. But God in his sovereignty knew what was best for me, my husband, and our kids and he brought us back together 1 1/2 before my planned filing date and ironically the week before our 15th anniversary. God has truly changed our hearts towards each other and our marriage. I am now ELATED about being married and love my husband more than I ever could have imagined possible. It is such a wonderful relief to have someone that I can seriously be vulnerable to; someone who is willing to except ALL of me and while he may not enjoy all of me he loves all of me. Knowing this, of course, makes it easier for me to return the same. Marriage is TRULY a blessing and I thank God for restoring mine. :)
ReplyDeleteI would include the added grace that is given by God in celebrating the sacrament of marriage. Jesus placed marriage in a position of great importance by referring to his Church as the bride and Himself as the bridegroom. He also performed His first miracle at a wedding! In some mysterious way, married couples are participants in a relationship that is modeled by the relationship between Christ and the Church! What's more, for those who welcome children, they are privileged to participate with the Holy Spirit in the actual creation process! How beautiful and mysterious these gifts given by God to those who choose a life of sacrifice snd service as well as love and joy!
ReplyDeleteI took all these and made an anniversary card for my husband using my own words. Thanks for the inspiration!
ReplyDelete